During May 2013 I resolved to create a joke a day. In the spirit of most resolutions, I have failed miserably; currently I'm averaging a joke every 3 years. Even worse; they're shite. Read for yourself....

26 Sep 2016 - 9:12pm

What's the difference between the Sun and King Arthur?

The Sun keeps us warm for the day, but King Arthur warms his keep for the Knights.

10 Feb 2015 - 5:51pm

What do you call a boy with no pants?


...Tara is responsible for that one, not me. She swears she made it up too, but I aint so sure...

31 Jan 2015 - 1:18pm

A penguin walks into a bar. "Has my brother been in 'ere?", he asks the bartender. "Dunno. Whots 'e look like?"

14 Oct 2013 - 2:47pm

Why didn't the dead person go to work? Because she couldn't be bothered.

14 Oct 2013 - 2:46pm

A bloke in a khaki outfit walks into a bar.

20 minutes later, the barmen comes over to him: "Sorry mate, I didn't see you there".

14 Oct 2013 - 2:42pm

2 badgers are sat in their doctor's surgery.

The first badger turns to the second, and asks: "What you in here for - vaccination?"
"Nah - gun shot wound", said the second, showing a graze from what must have been a glancing blow (thankfully, badgers are quite hard to shoot).
"Are you in here to be vaccinated then?", asks the second badger.
The first shakes her head sadly: "Nah - I hurt my back moving some goalposts..."

Badgers move goalposts.

14 Oct 2013 - 2:40pm

2 businessmen were sat waiting for the first speaker at a sales conference. One of them turns to the other and introduces himself, his company and the products he'd like the other man to buy.

Then one of the men remarks on a news item in today's Telegraph: "I see we're looking to extend trade links with China".
"Yeah. Do you think that means we should start learning Chinese?", replies the other.
"Mandarin?", asks the first.
"No thanks - I just eat an orange."

Boris Johnson drums up trade in China